I think that I want to talk about fear today.
I’ve been trying to write more, and share photographs, and every time I do, I feel a twinge of terror that whatever I’m going to write1 is terrible. I think that what I’m writing right now is terrible. My heart rate is through the roof, and I try to find any and all reasons to not write.
"My fingers hurt."
"My keyboard doesn’t work very well."
"I have no idea what to write."
"I’m a slow typist."
And on and on. I feel this all the time. And it’s a problem because I want to write. I want to write a lot. I want to write essays. I want to tell stories. I want to make movies. But this fear – of speaking up, of being heard, of failing, – just won’t go away. And in the end, I don’t know if it matters.
It’s the fear that keeps me collecting. Keeps me from focusing long enough to put down what I want to say2.
None of this is good when I’m trying to write posts here, write short stories, or write accompanying blurbs with photos. Not to mention helping Vaidehi with her writing and marketing, and working on building a presence for UAKC. It’s all a lot.
Anyway. I’m scared every time I sit down to write something. And I think that the only way to make the fear go away is just to do it more.
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I’m trying to write something to go along with every photo that I put out, and have a photo accompany every piece of writing. ↩
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Or dictate. I’ve been practicing dictation with the new iOS 15 update. It’s weird to hear myself speak out loud, but it’s getting better. The worst part seems to be holding a train of thought without giving into the urge to correct errors. ↩